I felt bad when someone complimented me, like it was a fluke, an accident or they just didn't know me. Wow, where did that come from? When I did well in school, the test was too easy. If I reached a goal, it wasn't good enough, or I made mistakes along the way. Next time I would do it better. Complicating this distortion was this fear as a kid that good things only came for so long, then something bad was bound to happen. Well my childhood went along like something out of Rockwell, so I am convinced I had been trying to sabotage things, so that I could get the bad out of the way and go on living enjoying the good coming my way. Maybe I did this because I thought that somehow I did not deserve all this, but now I know it was fear based.
I had a Eureka moment, maybe because I turned 50 this year and looking in the rear view mirror; it has been an amazing ride so far. I guess I am mature enough, confident enough to see that it wasn't luck at all. I worked damn hard for where I am, if I hit a bump, I kept going, resilient, flexible and all the while with a smile to share. But this is not all about me...it never is. My life, my success is filled and enjoyed because of the people that have shared the ride.
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